i'll try again

so yes i know it has been a long time. and i do feel like throwing in the towel with the whole blogging thing. you see it seems like it takes me a long time to write an entry--and i don't mean in between entries. but the real thing is probably that i don't journal in a personal journal and so my feelings here can spill out uncontrolled and may be too brutally honest. and really i don't feel like this is the place. yet there are things i wish i could say about my hurt feelings, the sense of betrayal and rejection but i know it to be too hot button of an issue. i don't think i've ever been one of those kind of people that does good at not dealing with issues. i mean i can go on and pretend like things are normal to avoid uncomfortable confrontations, but i don't like to. it is uncomfortable to not deal with it either. i guess what i'm saying is that it feels a little dishonest to come on here and to talk about the fluff of my life but not the things that are truly troubling me. probably if i was up to date in my real journal i wouldn't have a problem. but maybe if i wrote more i would overcome it. so i shall try to get into it again.