katie-lou-hoo

everytime we kneel to have family prayer nat says "hey, this doesn't look like a circle!" then mic says "so...." and starts to say something mean to nat to which i cut her off on. nat isn't satisfied until all our knees are touching. then she says let's sing the song. and we sing 'let us gather in a circle..." then nat and mic usually both plead with brent to let them say the prayer. it is a ritual. every day the exact same thing.
today i rode my bike to the arnotts to work out. brent has school on the days that i go and he refuses to ride his bike there so i rode mine. erin usually comes and picks me up but today she couldn't go and i didn't want to get out of the rhythm of going so i got my own way there. it wasn't that bad of a ride and doing something like that just makes me feel strong. plus it served the dual purpose of making brent feel bad. not that i want him to feel bad, but i do want him to open his mind up to the possibility of riding his bike to get places. i know that if he just got started doing it he would enjoy it. brent kept suggesting that i drive him to school so i can use the van. no way. too much time and too much gas. can you believe the prices of gas?! so just when i was finishing my workout he showed up and loaded my bike and trailer into the van. he finished a little early today because he had a test. hopefully that is a good sign.
stress and pressure and worry and feelings of inadequacy continue to simmer just below the surface. it is making me crazy!!