i bounced

i haven't gone running for over a month now. i started getting shin splints--which was a major ticker offer annoyance because i didn't do anything that could have caused it. you can get it from running harder and increasing your milage. hello. i ran a marathon. then i decreased my milage to a bare minimum and have done nothing more. something is just not right. anyways that's when i started bouncing. now i don't go for runs, i go for bounces. mom gave me her kangoo jumps and i must say i find it quite enjoyable. i get a few looks--but hey, that could just be my morning glow and not my footwear. my legs don't hurt at all when i'm using them and for some reason it is just easier to get out the door.
today i am feeling a little pleased with myself. i had some one on one time with michealah. i have felt that it was needed for a long time but i just didn't know how to do it. i just don't get to see her very much. back when brent worked in vancouver they used to take turns staying up with me but the other one always cried and missed her sister and felt left out of whatever we were doing. and that just seemed to be defeating the purpose (to make them feel unique and special to me) so i stopped doing that. eventually i thought of using brent and so today brent took nat out to buy a flower and planted it. (i have to admit though it was hard to let go of the control of my garden) and played with the letters with her. mic and i practiced her math flash cards, played math wars and go fish with them and then painted her nails. of course i had to do nats as well after. mic kept saying 'this is fun' so i feel successful. hopefully we can keep up this tradition.

save the last dance for me

today while i was making dinner brent came home and downloaded "save the last dance for me." he said that he heard it earlier today and that it reminded him of me. brent doesn't usually say such things and so it surprised me a little....actually quite a bit. it is so not his style and probably by tomorrow he'll deny ever saying it or downloading the song. i didn't get at first why it would make him think of me until i remembered the last gold n green ball. one of the williams' boys asked me to dance and brent reacted kind of funny. he was all apologizing for not dancing with me. he admitted that that is the reason why he thought of me with this song. silly boy. i asked, 'so it's ok if i let them hold me tight?' he said no rather emphatically. haha.
today we barbecued a roast. i didn't want to barbecue it but brent was in a barbecueing mood so i relented. it was ok, but it would have been better cooked in the crock pot. finally it is warm! yay!

i love sundays. funny, it seemed a year ago that one (namely karen) would be hard-pressed to find me in a good mood on sundays. i would always be filled with an angry, impatient sort of spirit at church. i don't even really know where it would come from--except for maybe not having enough time to prepare for church. but lately they have been just what they should be. today i feel as if a huge heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders. it is amazing. where did it go? i just felt so light happy and full of love for the people around me. i wish that i could feel like this all the time.
we invited deb brooks over for dinner. we had spaghetti, which for most people i feel comfortable serving, but this was deb. she has had us over for some truly amazing dinners and all we made when she came over is spaghetti. just spaghetti. no salad. no garlic bread. and plain chocolate cake for dessert. by plain i mean no icing on it. i felt a little sheepish having her over for such a meal. but of course she was very gracious. "i love spaghetti" she said emphatically. she is a very nice person. i don't know how she always seems to know something that our family needs and just gives it to us. she has good intuition i guess. i've been told that she likes me and i've heard of some of the nice things she's said about me and i'm always surprised. how have i caught her notice like that? brent loves bugging her. he is quite good at it. well...that's it. i hope you all had a good sunday.

the weakest link

tonight was the dreaded elder's quorum activity. dreaded because i was asked to participate in the game which was the weakest link. i did not want to do it. i hate being in those kind of situations--centre of attention type--especially when it involves competition--extra especially when it is a competition that involves church knowledge. i just can't help it if i know that stuff and i don't feel it is something to show off--which is something i always feel wary of in this ward for some reason. maybe it was because of attending institute classes on the book of mormon and dad was the teacher and i always knew all the answers and i don't like being a know-it-all. i agreed to do it because...i guess the idea of saying no didn't really seem like an option (but that just goes into my people pleasing problems and is a whole different entry in and of itself). but like i said earlier i really really did not want to be in it. the other contestants were tracy, michelle meade, tom the new guy from parksville, darrel walburger, deb brooks, susan, dad, paul meade, the bishop and myself. (delanie was also supposed to be in it but she was a no show--apparently she didn't really want to do it....ok...who did want to do it?) i asked everyone to vote me off, except for maybe tom the new guy. paul did and then he felt bad. "really it is ok. i really don't mind" i insisted, but he wouldn't do it. the bishop flatly refused and said he wanted to be the first to go. he was worried about being embarrassed. everytime it was my turn to answer the questions i got nervous. i did not want to look dumb--they weren't all church questions. so long story short (ok so it is not so short, but i'm not giving you the play by play am i?) i made it to the final 2. there was no strategy to my playing other than trying to get voted off. i voted for darrel twice hoping that he would seek revenge. instead he was voted the weakest link. and then i voted for dad--just because. i didn't think he was the weakest link and no one had voted for him, so i did. and he was voted off. i felt bad. he looked a little sad. anyways, i made it to the final 2. this was a disaster. how could everyone let me down like this? now i had to go head to head with deb brooks for 5 questions in front of everyone. and then we were tied and had to continue on. aaahhh! it was tortuous. in the end i lost which is actually good. (because of the whole know-it-all-clarke thing) and i got a pretty cool prize. i got a camel back. apparently it is a pretty good one. so hopefully i will like running with it. tomorrow we will have mary and madelaine for the whole day. madelaine i am used to. it is beginning to be a regular weekend thing. mary i am just not sure about. when dough asked me my first question was is she toilet trained? which really shouldn't be part of the issue, but the learning stage is just bad and i have to say i don't like taking kids on during that time....or the diaper stage if we are going to be perfectly honest. changing other kids poo is just gross. but i've come to really like having madelaine over. after i threatened that if nat was unhappy mad would go home, things changed and when i make them clean their room she is really good at it. things get done much quicker. well, it is another late night. i better go lie in my bed and think now.

i feel like it is time to update, but nothing is coming to my mind. my life is just not interesting. i need an outlet, but i just feel like i'm supposed to keep this to myself. i am not getting enough sleep. i stay up too late avoiding thinking about stuff. sometimes i wish i could just disappear into some sort of fantasy world where everything turns out right and i only have to watch or read and not do anything to make things unfold. i feel poised on the brink of big changes in my life and i'm just not sure if i should turn and run or jump in. the pressure to be who people think i am is overwhelming. how did i give them that impression? i'm just not that good and when i stay up late i'm even worse. my poor kids pay the price. arrgh! ok. enough reflection. i better get busy and distract myself.

last night i slept like a geisha

i had been having a yearning to have sarah do my hair--not cut or colour it, but do something with it--like give me a cool updo. so on sunday i mentioned that to her and it turned out her class this week was all about updos for prom. they were supposed have their clients come in and do a run through so there would be no surprises for prom night. and in typical jerkish fashion, sarah did not get booked. it really bugs me how she is treated there. but this time, it kind of worked to my advantage because sarah got to get her own model to practice on, and i was the chosen one. i got there a few minutes late and sarah was busy working on someone else. turns out that one of the stylists thought he could order her around and have her set one of his clients like she is some sort of subservient. they just don't deserve to have her there. anyways, sarah gave me a pretty cool updo and then i went home. it seemed like a waste to just go to bed when my hair looked so fancy, but there was nothing else to do so i slept geisha style and i think it was preserved. it is a little fuzzy but nothing that i little gel can't fix. so yeah...that is my interesting post...

the weekend

i've had a pretty busy/hectic weekend, but it has been mostly in a good way. a friend of mine from my long lost ysa days was visiting nanaimo. tania (was iwaasa but now is) armstrong. her brother was my district leader in my first area and my japanese companion had a crush on him, so he was soon transferred away. anyways, she married bob armstrong--marlene armstrong's son and they were in town for a visit. it was really nice seeing her and being updated on all my old friends. i found out about junko and herb. junko married derrick mc...... and lives in richmond. laura could you please please pleeeeassse get me her phone number? tania has 3 kids and the oldest one is just one month younger than nat so we met up at the park one day and on friday i picked mic up from school and met tania at the pool. (turns out that mic's ballet teacher that she has had for the last 3 years is bob's sister and an inactive member. i was so surprised! she knew i was a member and she never let on.) we stayed at the pool for over 3 hours. then we rushed home and got there just before brent got there. after brent had cleaned up--and by cleaned up i mean cleaned himself--we dropped the girls off at the meades to watch narnia and have a "half sleepover." we had a brief stopover at quizno's and then rushed off to port alberni. we were supposed to be there by 6 and brent didn't even get home until 5 so we had to hustle. brent had packed up the laptop for me to play with and watch a movie but i couldn't. the roads were just to windy: i felt sick. about half way there i confirmed to brent "you know how to get there right?" "no. i haven't been there since i was 16" (this actually wasn't true--he had gone there on a high counsel assignment) "well, i've never been there. how are we supposed to get there?" he handed me the phone and said call someone. i didn't know really who to call because jord and tracy had already left so i called dad. needless to say we didn't get very good directions and brent drove aimlessly around alberni. maybe he was hoping he would remember something--i don't know. it was frustrating because it started at 7 and i was worried we would miss it and we weren't getting anywhere. so then brent makes me call the chapel and ask for audrey to get directions. well i'm waiting for someone to find audrey, brent finds it and tells me to hang up. the alberni ward was hosting a festival of choirs and had invited a bunch of choirs from other churches. it was quite interesting. the catholic choir consisted of about 7 very elderly people. and another choir was 6 old ladies. in one choir the song kept repeating thank God i'm not....not what i used to be and the people would close their eyes and raise one hand up in the air. brent says that they do that to share the feeling they have with everyone else--sort of like an antenna. i know that i could be a little biassed but i think our choir had the best songs. audrey is really good at that sort of thing. we were the only other lds choir besides alberni ward's. the building was packed and probably 10 or more choirs sang. last of all, all the choirs sang together a song called the alleluia fugue. it was quite a powerful thing to be a part of. at the end there was a presenation for all the choir directors. someone in the back stood up and yelled "give God thanks" i heard a couple amens but after asking him to repeat himself the people conducting the meeting just continued on. afterall, we were just about to have a closing prayer and all the songs were also about praising and thanking the Lord. i just thought it was very presumptuous and rude of him to think he needed to correct the church in which he was a guest and to tell them how to do things. but who knows, maybe that is how things are done in his church. afterwards we snagged a few refreshments and then went home. i don't think it was the most fun date night especially for brent and actually, i'm surprised he went for it. the next morning mom phoned and invited us over for a pancake breakfast. as most of you know this is rather uncharacteristic of mom but eugene and kathy were visiting and she wanted some kids to come over to help them have fun. we stayed there for a few hours. it has been a long time since i have seen them, but they looked pretty much the same. they have a girl the same age as mic and an 11 year old that wasn't much taller than mic (they actually have the same name) that loves to play with little kids so she kept nat happy. they wanted to go to the pool. i was not really for this activity seeing as i spent all afternoon there the day before, but we ended up going. we didn't stay for as long, but the girls and i had fun. brent refused to swim with us. he slept in the van most of the time. too bad for him. he missed out and it bugs me that he can be so stubborn about such things. the girls aren't going to be like this for long. after swimming we were soo exhausted and hungry. we got pizza and put the girls to bed and then brent went to bed. i stayed up watching gilmore girls. i laughed outloud when they were arguing about who had bigger boobs. andrea was just like lauralei in this one: in denial. this morning brent got up before me. i can't remember the last time that has happened--especially on a sunday. but he got up and made the dough for the buns we're supposed to bring for potluck. we had to make a lot of buns. it isn't the normal sunday for potluck but mom did it because of eugene and kathy. we are having one again next week just for the twins birthday. talk about spoiled. laura, you should tell mom you are coming home 2 weeks after that for your birthday and see if she does a potluck for you. so it has been busy and now i'm at home thinking about the week ahead and i feel a weight. responsibilities can be so heavy.

nat-shabat: out of the mouth of babes...

these are a couple conversations that nat had when i was not there with a friend of mine who is taking the discussions but not progressing a whole lot.
nat: i'm my mommy's baby
erin: yeah. do you think your mommy's going to have another baby?
nat: yeah, but i'm excited for your baby. have you askedHeavenly Father to help you? Heavenly Father can help you have a baby.
(erin and joe have been unsuccessfully trying for over a year to have a baby--something that nat does not know)
nat: i want to show you something but my mommy said i have to stay in my chair.
erin: why don't you show me and then get back in your chair.
nat: ok.
she then got down from her chair and knelt down in front of erin. bowing her head and closing her eyes she said:
nat: this is how you talk to Heavenly Father. dear Heavenly Father, please help erin and joe to have a baby...
she proceded to say a prayer
nat: that is how to talk Heavenly Father. will you try it?
erin told me it was so beautiful she almost started crying. the next day nat said this to her:
nat: my dad told me that you can't live with Jesus and Heavenly Father unless you are baptized
(brent had taught her primary class and it was about baptism)
erin: i'm not baptized
nat: gasp...well you know what to do about that

in memory of last conference

i googled mic's name (because it has a unique spelling) to see if it showed one of my blogs. nope. it does show 3 of laura's though--one of them is a molly's life one. the same thing has been true with some of your nicknames--especially beth's. it makes me a little nervous. so much has been happening and so little is inspiring me to write about. we bought a laptop. this does not make me feel good. in fact it makes me feel ill. can we afford a laptop??! NO! do we need a laptop? not until september. it is required for brent's course he is taking then. there was no talking sense to the guy. he found the laptop he wanted and insisted it was a good deal and he would never find anything better and he could get the software from the school early and start playing around with it now blah blah blah blah. i never fell for it--not one little bit. why is it that i always cave? he just persists and bugs and pouts until i finally give in. and i was sooo determined not to give in this time because it is really something i am against. we went to future shop just so he could show me the laptop--he wasn't trying to push me to buy it at that moment and the salesguy worked his magic and now we have a laptop. and now i have to start at scratch at saving some money to pay for mic's ballet. ballet season is almost over and i still haven't paid for it. arrrggh!
on other news...i went to a piano concert tonight at the port theatre. we had really good seats--6 rows back and right in line with his hands. it was interesting but somewhat torturous. torturous because i can't sit still. i think it is a skirt thing. i cross one leg then i cross the other then i cross at the ankles--back to crossing one leg etc. i swear nobody else in front of me or beside moved a muscle during these really long pieces he was playing. how do they do it? it was interesting to see his facial expressions and apparently he sang along as he played--but i couldn't hear it. for one song he actually pounded the piano with his fist repeatedly. he really played with expression. does everyone get a standing ovation these days? it seems like it to me...as well as an encore performance. it has become the norm. well i've got to get to bed so that i'll make it for my run tomorrow morning.