i have received a lot of support and caring lately. it has been nice. so far i am feeling pretty ok emotionally. physically, i still feel spent and it is frustrating. i haven't been able to fall asleep that well and i think that is why. on saturday morning i slept in till 10:00. i haven't been able to do that since natalie was born. i wasn't able to fall asleep until past 2 am and then the girls both had a sleepover at madelaine's so i had no morning interruptions. ahh those interruptions can be soooo frustrating! nat comes in and leaves the door open with the light on in the hall or bathroom and the light shines right on my face. if only they'd get that the more they disturb my sleep in the morning the more they'll have to pay by having a grumpy mommy during the rest of the day. but the saturday morning sleep in was delicious. yesterday i went to rosalyn fleury's wedding. actually, i just dropped in but i saw lots of her family. i saw leanne, who looks exactly the same--just a little bigger. and tommy, who now goes by thomas, also looks the same. melanie was a little harder to identify, mostly because she now has ash blonde hair. she is the hair dresser in their family. and i would never have known josie, but maybe that is because she was so little still when we moved away. it was kind of weird to see people that i used to know so well over 20 years ago. i wasn't even sure if leanne would remember me. but she did. i used to sleepover at her house quite a bit, so i guess she should. and laura, do you remember serena from surrey? you were friends with her younger sister for awhile. well anyways she made friends with leanne at the '86 youth conference and she lives in terrace still. leanne lives in maple ridge now, but she lived 32 years in terrace. can you imagine? i can't imagine living so long in one place, let alone in terrace for so long. she told me that for years after we moved away, girls still asked her if she knew anything about layne. he always did have quite a following...i also saw susan robinson. i wasn't sure what she'd think of when she saw me--like maybe she'd remember the beehive sleepover at her house where i was hyper and broke one of her plates. but if she remembered it, she never brought it up. i always find it to be kind of a strange experience to meet up with people from your past and to see that you are so different then you were then. and to see how different their lives are from yours now. i would never go, but i guess that is kind of how a highschool reunion would be. well, it is late and i feel like i will be able to go to sleep easy enough tonight, so i'm going to end my ramblings.

yesterday i had a very...let's say eventful day. here are some of the things i learned:
1. i don't do well with losing a lot of blood. although i should have known that because i have never been very successful at donating blood.
2. when you dial 911, expect a lot of people to be in your house in just a matter of a minute or so.
3. riding in an ambulance isn't that exciting and not actually that different from riding lying down in a van. the plus is you get help and a bed right away in emergency.
4. there really isn't very much to look at when you lie flat on your back.
5. doctors in "merg" don't keep their voices down and don't seem to be that worried about the patient's privacy. i must say that that does actually provide with some entertainment to break up the monotony of lying on your back for hours.
6. in nanaimo, most of the people in the hospital are elderly. i saw only one that wasn't.
7. in general, health care workers are a very kind, caring, compassionate sort of people.
8. quizno's makes a very yummy brocoli cheddar soup.
9. one eventful day can be just that: an eventful day. and then one's life can go back to being completely normal again. it is kind of a weird feeling.

my life feels like it has become so stagnant and still since i last posted. i 've been sick (not from running in the rain, mind you. that is an old wives tale perpetuated by jane austen) Since i've been sick, i've done nothing but lie around the house and watch the mess accumulating around me. yesterday as i lay on the couch to play with natalie i couldn't keep my eyes open. i dosed off but managed to make jasmine say something whenever natalie would complain that i wasn't playing with her. although one time i knew even as it left my mouth it would make no sense to her because it had to do with what i was dreaming. michealah and nat each got polly pocket-type disney dolls for christmas. nat has belle and mic got jasmine. so i always have jasmine when i play with nat. i enjoy making her talk in an indian accent and calling belle "bellie bellie." nat now asks before we start playing for jasmine to not call belle "bellie bellie." haha, but sometimes i just can't resist it. every day brent comes home and cooks dinner and does the dishes. i feel quite guilty about this, and it is quite hard to let go of my control and let brent do things his way. (like the other day when he decide to make roasted potatoes and dumped about a cup of olive oil on them and then cooked hamburger with canned tomatoes to go with it.) this is especially hard because he is not as frugal and careful about using things up as me. but what can you do when you are sick? i just want to get it over with already!!!

running in the rain

my new mantra should be "i love running in the rain." i really do enjoy it but for some reason every time i face running in the rain i falter. today for example, i got already to go on my run and then brent got called to go to a meeting at dad's house. i knew i wouldn't have time when he came back to go which meant that if i did go on a run i would have to take natalie. then brent said he would take nat with him. as he left i saw that it was raining. "not very hard," he told me. still it became so much harder to get out the door. i was warm and cozy. i dragged my feet, staying inside as long as i could. brent took nat so i could run. i had to do it now. when i finally left the rain pelted me mercilessly and the wind buffeted me. i could feel each ice cold drop hit my legs and feet. just hurry and get this over with i told myself. but then as i run a change gradually takes place. as i warm up, the freezing rain and wind actually feel good--in a cool refreshing kind of way. i feel srong. i can conquer the elements. a little rain isn't going to keep me from running. i could run a marathon. dreams and goals fill my head and feel more tangible as i run. i could do a triathalon. i could run in a race and place well. i could defeat the laundry room. my hair no longer blows in the wind. it is too heavy and wet. i'm soaked. i know the reason i can't feel the rain hitting my legs anymore is because my skin is numb. but i keep running. i am a machine. i am woman. i am strong. nothing can stop me. i can accomplish anything.

you asked for it

to be honest, i find blog writing a little difficult. when i have something to write about life is too busy and then when i have some time it seems too far in the past to bother-yet i have nothing inspiring to write about when i have time. and by inspiring and don't mean inspiring for the readers; i mean something that inspires me to write. so i'm sitting here feeling tired and nothing is coming to me. yesterday brent came home. he had been gone since monday. he caught the 7:00 ferry but the girls were still awake when he came home. he called on his way home and the girls came down to ask if i was talking to daddy. they'd been in bed for an hour, but i knew it was hopeless. they were determined to stay awake until he came home. it was a hard time for brent being away. he was completely by himself and had no money. he stayed in a hotel and ate peanut butter sandwiches and cold pork and beans. i had to cheer him up a few times and i hate having to do that because it drains me. it is like i give him all my faith and optimism and than i am left with my own doubts and all of his weighing down on me. anyways, i had a big stew waiting for him when he came home. i couldn't wipe the smile off my face when he came in the door. i guess i really missed him. we stayed up late talking, which although might be hard to believe for laura, is not something i do very often--especially with brent. even though i was awake past one, i still set my alarm for 6. i was determined to still go on my run and afterall, i wouldn't have to push nat in the jogger because brent was back. when the alarm did go off, i decided i didn't want to go on my run and that i'd be too tired. the problem: i couldn't fall back to sleep. so finally 20 minutes later i got up and went on my run. i did fartleks and it tired me out. the rest of the morning passed in a blur as i slept on the living room floor and nat played around me. then in the afternoon i slept some more. and now i know i've wrecked my sleeping pattern--i feel like i have jet lag. i'm tired now too, but i'm afraid that when i actually lie down in my bed i won't be able to sleep. i'm a bit of an insomniac at times. i wonder if that means i'll be like grandma b when i'm old. i'm supposed to do my long run tomorrow. the good thing is is that i won't have to wake up early to do it, but what if it wipes me out again? anyways as you can see i really don't have anything to say besides ramblings about my day so i'm going to stop now.