katie-lou-hoo

my life seems to have been running in slow motion lately. january just feels so much like it is by far longer than any other month. it doesn't seem right that the gloomiest month is the longest, but it is. so, not much has been going on in my life. i've watched a lot of movies...i have an insatiable desire to watch movies every night. last night brent and i watched hitch. there are so many laughable parts in that movie. sometimes i wish that life could be more like the movies. from where i sit today, i don't believe that many guys are the way they seem in movies. they just aren't that romantic and even if they want to be as thoughtful, they don't know how to do it like that. maybe it is just the kind of guy i'm drawn to (the kind that is so nervous about proposing that he does it over the phone or in a letter) but i don't see it in the men around me either.
i started the day off feeling a little irritable. brent was being particularly annoying. the girls' hair was annoying because it was so snarly. we resorted to taking jello salad to potluck because we just didn't have anything else to bring. it hadn't set yet on the way to church and then it spilt. i rushed into choir assuming brent would clean it up. nope. so i marched out to do it myself because he wouldn't--greeting people with a hi, how are you as the steam blew out my ears. what i wanted to say was hi my husband's an idiot. luckily i was able to calm down and rid myself of the angry spirit that was plaguing me as church progressed. that's what going to church is all about--letting go of the hurt, angry, bitter feelings and coming away with a renewed hope and an increased love for the people around you.
today i sat with the older girls' class during the last hour of primary. nat called across the room "mommy, i want you" and the sister sitting with her class offered to trade. no way. 2 of the boys in her class kept getting up and leaving. nat ended up staying next to tammy the whole time. she sat on her knee and held her hand while she conducted the music. nat conducted too. it was interesting to sit behind her and watch how she interacted with other people. at one point tracy came and got her to sit with her. natalie was very attentive to tracy and sang staring up at her. it was like she was starving for attention and when she got it she was responsive. all day long natalie always asks me to play with her. i do, but it is never enough. she tells on michealah at night for mic not cuddling with her. she wants to be loved and doted on all the time and so she demands it.
carmen keeps calling me mommy. she thinks that's what you call someone when you want something from them. today she grabbed my legs and yelled mommy over and over in a very insistent voice. she wanted the sandwich that i was holding for michealah. what can you do when someone so small pleads with you like that? she reminds me of natalie. she knows how to work it.
it's late. i'm off to bed.