katie-lou-hoo

i know it has been awhile. i've even had some good things to write about, but it is just a classic case of waiting too long and then losing my momentum. i am sitting here waiting for deborah to come over. it is very late. and instead of writing about the fun great things that have happened this summer i feel heavy. (is that a strange thing to say? it isn't in japanese so now i think it must be...but it describes how i am feeling) it just feels like everybody has so much pain and suffering. i guess that is what happens when i go to see the bishop. i go there with my head full of my own challenges and think to myself that somebody with fewer problems should be doing this. and then i hear about a bunch of other much more serious problems. it doesn't lighten my heart...it just makes me wonder if there is ever an end. i know there are reprieves--moments when everything feels just right and i look at my precious little family and see how richly i have been blessed. i just wish those moments would last a little longer. brent will be leaving tomorrow morning to go work in port alberni. the only way we can see to make this worthwhile is for him to stay up there until the week is over. so he is going to be sleeping in the van and showering at the lake. (i noticed last year that there are showers there). he left today but it turned out that they just needed him to fill out paper work and so i talked him into coming back home. that old familiar feeling of emptiness combined with lonliness didn't take long to settle down on me after he left today. but i am more worried about him. it is a demoralizng thing to be away from your family and even more so to do when you are living out of your van--especially when you are eating peanut butter sandwiches and yucky superstore cheerios with powdered milk. you feel you are doing hard things and life just feels that much harder. while i was writing this deborah arrived with a carload of snacks and treats for brent. she has to be one of the most giving peple i know. and she is so intuitive with her generousity. and funny as it may seem, my heart feels lighter already. (it's amazing what food can do for me) i had fun repacking brent's stuff. brent will be gone tomorrow so who knows...maybe i'll write about the more fun things in my summer.