katie-lou-hoo

i can feel the depression moving in. it is seeping in the cracks of my quieter times. it is trying to press in on me and prevent all my activity. but i'm busy. i hardly have time to notice it. the quiet times hardly ever happen but the depression is there lurking; waiting to come out. i want to give in and wallow. i want to ponder on how unfair life can be. i want to do nothing. i want to feel sorry for myself but whenever i think "why me?" or "poor me" i always think of people that have it way worse than me. i wish i could shut off that reasoning sometimes because it makes me think that i shouldn't feel so sad. and i have all these things i need to do--things that i want to do like put up our christmas tree and finish christmas preparations. but right now, or whenever i have the time i don't want to. and i feel detached from my feelings. like i'm standing there watching these emotions come up and i wonder why they are here and how to make them go away. and i feel alone--not because there aren't people that care, but because i'm the one that this has happened to and has to go through it and though i know they care it just doesn't lift the lonliness of my grief. i guess i shouldn't really be surprised. i've been here before and it was the same thing then. i'm sorry for writing such a downer of a post. i just need to give some expression to my feelings. don't worry about me; i'll be ok.