Week 3 Protests in Nairobi

Another image from the garden I wrote about last week

Last year there were huge protests in Nairobi to the government raising taxes. They are known as the Gen Z protests and they culminated on June 25 when they stormed the legislative buildings. 60 people lost their lives in that protest. This year to commemorate the lives of the 60 young people that died last year, there was planned peaceful marches all across the country. The problem? Well, just before I arrived a blogger that was critical of the police died in police custody. There have been protests regularly about police brutality since I have been here. Police brutatlity is a thing here. I saw video footage of a couple officers shooting an unarmed man point blank in the head at a protest. It looked completely unprovoked--I mean maybe he said something, but his actions were not threatening--he was walking away from them and he wasn't even one of the protesters. He was a hawker selling face masks. Those policemen have been arrested. So you had this stuff about police brutality simmering already before the June 25th commemoration. Unfortunately, it too became deadly. At least 16 people were killed. There are still roads that are barricaded as a result. Basically it hasn't been safe for me to go to the city centre since I have been here. 

These are not my pictures--just some of the striking images I saw related to this event

My school made me sign up for this International SOS app that sends me warnings any time there is any potential for danger. And apparently sent me messages and  CCed my school's study abroad department. They sent a message of "fatal unrest during anti government protests" and asked if I was okay. They must've texted me, because I never got a message and I have a different number and SIM while I am here. So yeah, l worried my school a little bit. But we stayed in on Wednesday. I ordered food on uber eats and it took over an hour for it to get to us--and I ordered late. We didn't get our food until almost 10:30. And then I was told to stay in on Thursday too. It wasn't so bad for me because I had to spend both days writing the report. I finally got the first draft done and now I have a bunch of things I need to fix. It was pretty hard for me to go back to it, but now I have faced and am working on it again. It feels like I will never finish. But I think it has been pretty boring for the kids. 

Besides working on this report I have been doing work with Mathare Roots. They are a youth-led grassroots organization that operates in Mathare which is one of the many areas of informal housing in Nairobi. I read, while working on my report that 60 % of Nairobi's population lives in informal housing. My first day there, the leader had another girl show me around and take me to her house. That was awkward. It would have been easier with a companion. I can't adequately describe what Mathare is like. On the drive there, you just can tell you are in a much poorer part of town. The streets are so busy with people walking around, others set up at little stalls selling everything, and men pulling wagons--they look like modern handcarts--sometimes stacked unbelievably high with things like potatoes or water. Every now and then on the drive you pass a huge pile of garbage that people are picking through to get plastics that they can sell. Also, there is always smoke and burning.

Mathare itself is an informal settlement so the streets are lined with ramshackle shacks and so many people. Sharon's "house" was in an apartment building, but not like anything you can imagine. I had to duck to enter the building, there was no lighting in the corridor or up the stairs--it was pitch black--we had to use our phones. The house was a small room with a bunk bed where she sleeps with her mom and sister. The walls and ceiling were corrugated metal held supported by rough logs. Her dad sleeps in a different room because there is not enough room in that one for him. I had a little visit with her and her parents and then we walked back through the neighbourhood. People were staring and little children ran up to shake my hand or waved at me. Some men approached to ask for money. And there was garbage everywhere. Plastic is ground into the ground everywhere. There were goats and chickens roaming around and eating the garbage. (goats were eating the garbage not the chickens.)

A big project that Mathare roots is working on is called Mto wangu which translates to be "my river." The mathare river runs right through the settlement and is so polluted. Sharon tells me that raw sewage is dumped into it and it smells like it. On one side of the river they cleaned up all the garbage and built a play ground and a little outdoor community area with a little gazebo like structure and planted trees. They also have started a little urban farm there. It is in stark contrast to the other side of the river which I think the government owns. I have seen the before pictures. I will try to share them on here so you can see. 

On Saturday's they have kids events and I was encouraged to bring the kids, so I did. Yesterday it was just Malachi because Elizabeth had a young women's activity. I showed up with Malachi at the arranged time and had to wait at least a good 15 minutes for Sharon to come. (Apparently that is a cultural thing). We walked down to the community area where they were cooking for the children. There are some women in the organization that cook lunch for around 200 kids every Saturday. They were cooking over an open fire. We waited for a long time for Austen to show up with  some paint. Sharon said this is what happens when she has to work with boys--they are always late. :)

After around an hour Austen came with half a can of paint and one paint brush. Today's event we were to paint picnic tables with the kids. Sharon, by the way is always wearing very clean white footwear. That day she was also wearing what looked to be a brand new white shirt. I thought she was very brave to paint with little kids that way. She told me she was just careful. They did manage to get one more giant paintbrush from a little shop across from the playground that didn't really fit into the can, but they made it work. Many kids gathered around to paint--Malachi got a couple of turns. The kids there treat him like a celebrity. There was a group of giggling girls around him and followed us when we left. He thought they were very annoying and bratty. haha. 

I took this when there weren't as many kids around. And no, Austen is not actually holding the paint can over Malachi's head. Note all the garbage across the river.

Last Saturday we participated in the Saturday library day. The library was built by UFV students. It is a small room with some shelves with books that the children seem quite eager to look at and read. Many children come there to do their homework. Sharon asked me to tell the kids a story so I told them the story of Sambo. Then she told them the story again in Swahili. They were given some paper and pencils to draw from the story or anything else. Malachi quickly gave up and so Lizzie started drawing. Soon she had a circle of little girls around her watching her draw and then trying to copy her. One of the little girls started playing with both of our hair. She had a cough and that was the most disturbing part to Elizabeth. After that we walked to a neighbouring area where they had a big event to give away pads for girls. Many girls can't afford pads. We went there at noon (when it was supposed to start). It didn't start until 2:15.  As part of the event, one of the organizers got up and explained the menstrual cycle and early symptoms of pregnancy. Apparently a lot of girls don't know. We watched a short video about girls in Kenya. 64% of girls in Kenya can't afford pads. In the video it said often their parents don't care and so they go to the shopkeeper who will give them pads if they sleep with him. Teen pregnancy and HIV is really high in Kenya.

I am doing other stuff with Mathare roots too. I had a meeting with them and UN-Habitat about international youth day. I have been assigned to work with some of the other people on the team to come up with a concept note for the event. The UN is hosting it in Kenya this year and they want Mathare to do something in their neighbourhood as well. I am going to be running a workshop where I help them write their CVs and to become more employable (unemployment is really high in Kenya). Aside from the leader of Mathare, who does some work for the UN, all the other people I have interacted with are volunteers. And I am supposed to help them with their urban farm. This needs to happen actually, for them to get some funding (and me as well)

 

I am so amazed by what I see happening in Mathare. There are these people that are living in such abject poverty yet they are doing so much to improve their community. Sharon told me that a lot of the people that I see sitting around in Mathare are drunk and that we passed a place where they were making their own alcohol. The children in the area have so much against them, but whenever I see them, they are lively and cheerful. My first week there I attended an event celebrating the day of the African child. Some classes from the nearby school were there. Children participated without reservation. One class did a skit about the harm of doing drugs that got a lot of the other children laughing. Other classes gave speeches--they were so energetic. One class sang--it was actually such a cultural experience for me. I witnessed some things that I had only seen in documentaries. Every now and then a drunk man would wander into the performance area and have to be pulled away. One man kept approaching a little girl that was doing a dance. He kept trying to give her money but she didn't want it. Finally she accepted it so he would leave. It was cool seeing them dance. I could watch that all day. 

So now you know a little about what I'm doing here. I hope I didn't bore you.

2 weeks in Kenya

It is my second Sunday here in Nairobi. I am sitting in the chapel while Elizabeth practices the piano. It seems it is common for church here to go over. Last week my Sunday School class went 20 minutes over and I got out earlier than the kids. They got out 10 minutes later. We stayed a long time after church because the kids wanted to practice the piano. We stayed at least 2 hours longer and there were still lots of people there when we left. The building is also open during the week. The property has a gate with security guards, but the doors were literally wide open when we came during the week. Maybe because there isn't a whole lot for them to do, Malachi and Elizabeth like going to the church to practice. We went two times last week and both times we stayed for a couple hours. If only they were this keen to practice at home!

I got sick this last week. I think it is because I couldn't sleep. Jet lag really kicked my butt this time. I kept waking up between 2:30 and 3:30 and couldn't fall back to sleep. A couple nights of that and I was so exhausted that I finally turned it around. But not before getting a cold. And I could not find good tissue! I had to use stiff two-ply stuff that was so rough. Luckily I wasn't sick for long.

I have been working hard on a report for my professor, so I haven't done as much touristy stuff with the kids. I had 30 pages of notes to go through to make an outline which I sent to her to review. She said I am writing a thesis--she just needs a report and to focus on our findings from the research we have done. The problem is, I don't really know what our findings are...we are still getting information in... and she desperately needs a rough draft by Wednesday. I don't really know how to do a rough draft. I usually just write and polish as I go along. This professor was always  a little hard to know what she wanted when I had assignments from her. I am worried that I will not do a good enough job--I feel I'm in way over my head. But she is always very encouraging and positive, so I will plug along and make sure I meet her deadlines and hope and pray I am doing it right.

One of the times after taking the kids to the church to practice, we went to the Fairview hotel. (It is near the church and my professor recommended it.) It has a beautiful tropical garden and an outdoor restaurant. It was a little pricey, so we didn't get a lot, but the food was yummy and the fuinki was good. I wish now as I am writing this that I took more pictures, but I didn't really take any that would do it justice.

We thought the view of this palm tree was particularly interesting from right below…but even more so with the tops of our faces included.

The driving here is crazy! Thank goodness the Ubers are cheap because I could not drive here.  During heavy traffic a 3 lane road becomes 5 or 6 lanes with motorcyclists weaving in and out on all sides, pedestrians just crossing where ever they want, and hawkers walking between lanes of traffic selling their goods. If there is an opening that a driver can squeeze into to advance further, they will take it--sometimes driving several meters on the sidewalk. Either I don't understand the traffic lights or people drive through red lights all the time. When the road is congested often motorcycles and even the occasional car will jump into the opposing lane when there is no oncoming traffic and drive in that lane until the oncoming traffic arrives and which point they mash themselves back into the congested traffic. If drivers want to cross a road and the traffic is heavy on that road, drivers will just start moving across the road--pushing their way through until they have crossed it. Cars and buses merge aggressively--so many times there have been close calls and I thought we going to be in an accident. Basically it seems like everyone does what they want and everyone lets them--even if they are just inches from the other car--and somehow it works out. I will try to make a video one of these times when we are in such traffic. One time I literally gasped and almost grabbed the driver's arm--I was sure we were about to be hit and then we weren't and we were fine. I felt a little sheepish.

Last Saturday we visited the a Giraffe centre. They breed rothschild giraffes and when they are 3 years old they release them into the wild. They release them at 3 years, because they aren't too tall to transport. Any later and they would have to worry about power lines. When this project started in the 70s there were less than 200 of this breed. Now there are over 1000. Maybe you saw the video of us feeding the giraffes. Where we first walked in to the centre, they gave us each a little dish with pellets to feed the giraffes. The lady told us to not feed them by just holding up the dish, or to hold up a flat palm; instead, she said, to hold the pellet between our thumb and forefinger to feed them. That sounded a little terrifying to me. When we got to the platform we learned why--the giraffes stick out their very long tongues and our job is to place the food on their tongue. If you just held out a flat palm, I imagine you would get slimed. It was fun to try to place the food on their tongues while not dropping it or getting licked. Malachi kept bragging that he never got touched by their tongues, but by the time we were done, he had been. Elizabeth was quite skittish of touching their tongues and dropped many pellets. The pellets were not wasted though because down at the feet of the giraffes were a couple of warthogs. The centre doesn't keep warthogs, they just come because warthogs have some sort of symbiotic relationship with giraffes. If I remember correctly, warthogs have much better hearing than giraffes and giraffes can see much further than warthogs. Maybe instead of Timone being some kind of rodent, he should have been a giraffe.

Apparently next to the centre is the manor the original conservationists lived in that is now converted into a hotel. If you stay there, the giraffes will come to the windows to be fed during breakfast. It makes me think of "The Friendly Giant."

There is so much more to say, but I think this post is already too long for people to actually want to read it, so I'll stop here.

happy ha ha no hi (mother's day)

When I look at my family I feel that I live such a charmed life.  My heart has been so filled with gratitude lately.  I am thankful that I am being blessed with another child.  I just can't express how excited I am to see him and hold him in my arms.  I feel like an ache from empty arms of 13 years ago is healing in some ways.  I can hardly believe it is happening and that in a few short days he'll be born.  As my pregnancy has drawn to a close, I have been reflecting on the special things about being pregnant.  Usually I focus more on the things I don't like...being huge, shortness of breath, achy hips, peeing all the time, heartburn, blah blah blah.  But like I said this time I have been reflecting on the other things.  The special moments that are mine and his alone;  the way I can feel him move;  the wonder of this little person growing inside of me.  In this last conference Sister Dalton in speaking to the young women said our bodies were temples because they have "the capacity to house not only our eternal spirit but also the eternal spirits of others who will come to the earth as part of your our eternal families."  And I have just really felt that miracle at this time.  And today being mother's day, I decided it was time to document my growing family in all my ginormous glory.  It took some convincing to get Brent to cooperate, but in the end he was a good sport--just too bad we had so little daylight left.  (1 of the advantages of being so far north right now was that we had any daylight left)

All of his big sisters are really excited and full of love for him already

Don't they look alike?

 

In Sunday school a few weeks ago the teacher told of an experience she'd had when she was praying in frustration about her children.  The answer that came to her was "if you only knew who I had sent to your home..." and that really struck me as being true of my own family.  I am blessed.  

  .

I tried a belly to belly picture with Brent but it looked terrible.  I think his belly is just too high.

I hope you are satisfied now Sarah.

 When I found out I was having a boy I had this amazing feeling wash over me.  Like God was blessing me with a very special child and that He knew of my heartache in the past.  I try to remember that feeling in my moments of doubt and fear like when he doesn't seem to be moving enough or when the doctor sends me to the hospital unexpectedly.  Sometimes it can be hard to have faith in those special moments that happened in the past when there is some scary possibility presenting itself to me in the here and now.  I'm scared for Tuesday--not looking forward to the last step I have to go through--but I just can't wait. 

the latest in my quickly changing life

Well it has been almost a year now and my wallpaper matches the season so I thought it was time to blog...And yesterday I was really feeling like writing, but I was too busy and now today the feeling has fled.  So I guess I'll make this brief.  Aside from packing and being a single mom for a month the reason why I was so busy yesterday was that I had an ultrasound and Natalie had an orthodontist appointment and we had to do papers...in the worse weather EVER!!!

When we started out to do papers it was snowing.  The kind that comes down really fast with huge flakes--really wet and accumulates fast on the ground.  'No problem' I thought, 'I'll wear my new winter boots from Brent.'  They're big white sorel boots.  Did I mention big?  They are huge!  Brent was trying to surprise me so he asked Michealah what size to get and she told him a 9.  A 9?!  Trying them on in the house they didn't feel too too big though and they were out of my size when I went to look at the store so I thought this would be a good time to try them out...Walking in them was exhausting.  They were so heavy and my foot slipped out so much it forced me to lift up with every footstep.  Then about half way into doing papers the snow changed to heavy pelting freezing rain.  So I had to shuffle along in these heavy too big boots in 5 cm of slush  while being soaked to the bone.  By the time I finished my hip flexors were so sore I could hardly walk.  My feet were kept toasty warm--too warm--I fantasized about taking them off and walking barefoot in the snow--but I imagine up there that'll be a good thing.  So now I just don't know what to do about the boots...

I went to the ultrasound trying not to be too hopeful about them reporting the gender to the doctor.  They never tell me the first time I go.  But I really needed them to tell me.  I told the technician about our move and needing to unload baby girl clothes if I wasn't having a girl and she said "fair enough"  and that if she could see she would put a picture in for the radiologist to see.  Then when she was showing us the baby, she went to have a look at the underside and sure enough the knees were bent and the feet were blocking any view.  'Again,' I thought.  But then she pushed on my tummy a few times which got the baby to move and she said "there's one butt cheek, and there's the other, and there's something right there"

Basketball

Mic plays basketball.  I was told before her first game that she needs another coach because her current one is having knee surgery in the middle of the season.  then i watched her first game.  it was torture.  Especially because parents aren't supposed coach from the sidelines.  We have to sign a pledge about this when they join a team.  So poor mic had to endure a barrage of insights about her game from both brent and myself after the game.  It was torture for Brent too.  So he decided he would help coach.  But he's not been the main coach until just now.  That made it a little better--Brent could just be my voice.  It was kind of strange, I think, how long Brent and I could go on talking about the games--some I didn't even watch, he just told me about them.  But still watching her games have still be a torturous experience for me and then I realized something.  I HATE sitting on the bench!  I want to get in and play myself.  When I watch a game and my team is just not that aggressive I want to get in and do something about it.  So I started looking around for a women's league.  All I could find was a co-ed one.  That is a little intimidating to me.  Besides I want to play--not just run up and down the court watching guys hog the ball.  Last week I got Brent to go to the church to play with me.  It was fun.  I got to work a little on my left side which feels a little rusty.  But there was some sort of impact between something hard and bony on him (an elbow maybe?) and my jaw.  It was a little painful to open my mouth wide for a few days.  Which makes me think, maybe I'm too old.  Maybe my body can't handle basketball anymore.  Maybe that is a risk I'm willing to take.  We all know who my father is.  I've been thinking it would be fun to play a little 2 on 2 with another couple.  Then maybe if I get my confidence and ability up we could join a summer outdoor league.

Thinking about basketball has caused me to reflect.  I loved playing basketball.  I changed schools just so I could play.  It was a part of me.  Now outside of my immediate family nobody even knows I played.  And some of them don't even really know this side of me.  Or they forget.  ("Sarah is the athletic sister") I think it is strange that things that I was so passionate about like basketball, running, and Japan, have become a much more hidden part of myself.  Those things are still there--they're just buried under my more obvious layers.  Why is this?  Maybe those interests are more self-centered.  I guess you could say a newer more important part of me is my family.  My time and energy is focused there and so that is what people who know me now see.  But sometimes I miss the old me.

humiliation

Yesterday was a busy day.  Well every day this time of year is busy but yesterday was particularly scheduled.  In the  morning I was off to help my friend pack.  (why do I always work so hard to help my friends move away?  why do they always move away?)  Ok didn't actually work that hard--just packed a few boxes and left her with a lot more still to do.  Then off to make cookies for a primary activity while E enjoyed a playdate.  The dough was already made so I just helped roll and cut them.  Rushed home to make dinner--there was supposed to be a basketball game to go watch but it was cancelled due to lack of parent drivers.  Mic knew I was going to watch but for some reason thought I couldn't drive...?  (I think 13 yr olds really do lose a bit of logical brain function)  So I did get a bit of a breather to make dinner. 

  We ate a rushed dinner and then off to a magic show at port theatre.  Jason got our family some tickets and we met up with him there.  He wanted to meet an hour early since the seating was just by whoever got there first.  We had to really hurry to meet him there that early.  As I started to quickly put on a little make up, Brent said "why are you doing that?  It is just going to be dark in there."  I said it wouldn't be dark the whole time and proceeded to put some eyeliner on but now I was convinced to not bother with anything else.  Well, we were there first.  Jason wanted to sit in the front row--but we convinced him to sit in the third row.

You probably guessed where this is going.  It wasn't only a magic show.  There were other entertainers there as well.  One of the acts was a comedic juggler.  He asked for a girl older than 18 to come up.  I slid down a little in my seat.  He looked in my direction and said "The girl there with the blonde curly hair"  I knew he was talking to me.  Behind me was Sawyer and his dad and behind them was my friend Erin with her family.  None of them had curly hair.  I looked imploringly at my husband to save me but of course he didn't.  I think you all know how much I deplore the spotlight. 

  Now I had to go up on stage in my most frumpy schlumpy clothes--you all know I have some(I was still wearing what I wore to help Michelle with her move) and be used for laughs.  I felt soooo AWKWARD!!!  He didn't require that much of me.  Just chain his hands in this weird contraption I didn't understand at first.  And put hacky sacks on his feet.  He made inappropriate jokes and then commented on my big wedding ring.  Brent pointed out later that after I chained his hands in he asked me to give him a high five and I didn't even notice that he had gotten his hand out of the chains.  I was just worried about catching the hacky sack. After I caught it he kept saying "chest bump"  There was no way.  I just kept backing away from him.  I was just so embarrassed.  For my humiliation I got a little picture of Ricky Martin.  (nat was shocked when I gave it to Nieve today)  He still kept talking about me and to me after I sat down.  It is now right up there as one of my most embarrassing moments--made only worse by the fact that there were several people I knew in the audience.

i hereby promise to post more and read more blogs.  hold me to it peeps!

Sometimes I wish my life was just watching movies and eating chocolates

It is Sunday night and I don't want to go to bed yet because I don't feel like ending the weekend yet.  A couple of weeks ago I was feeling rather sluggish on a Monday morning so I decided to plug in the laptop and listen to conference while I did my housework.  I have found it to be a very good way to 'get the ball rolling'.  You know how when you watch conference your mind just fills up with things you should be doing and you feel this restless energy while you sit there listening?  Now I put that energy to use cleaning my house...although I'm pretty sure that isn't exactly the desired effect of conference... it helps and inspires me in other ways too.

I have been wanting to blog but just haven't really had anything to write about.  I think when I haven't blogged in awhile I need something...a feeling, a special thought to share and I just don't have one this time.  But I will persevere in the hopes that the feeling comes eventually.

The weather lately has been so beautiful and I finally managed to get Brent to make a family outing to the corn maze.  Every year he has always rejected this suggestion.  I think the big difference is that right now we have a couple Japanese students staying with us and we like to do fun things with them.  The last time I was at the corn maze it was night (for YWs) and really really muddy.  E was a babe in arms and I didn't even make it to the maze before I got stuck in the mud, so I didn't even do it.  Luckily we've had fairly dry weather this year so it wasn't too bad.  The kids had a fun time and when we were done we took a little hayride to their pumpkin patch.  Mic and nat picked out an enormous pumpkin and our 2 students each picked out little ones.  Tomorrow we will be carving them and roasting the seeds.  This is a little earlier than I like doing it--I think that the pumpkin will be rotten before Halloween, but Brent is getting his way this time.  (just as long as he can accept he won't get his way for Christmas.--Every year he starts nagging me earlier and earlier.  last year it was the 3rd week of november.  And Sarah you are no help at all in that area.)

Last night I took mic out for a girls night out.  I really wanted aunties here for this because that is when she really wants to be included in the 'grown up' things.  I got Nieve and Michelle, Melissa, and Keera to come.  Although I had reservations we had to wait 45 minutes to be seated.  Consequently we received $50 in gift cards and free appies.  The night started out a little rocky with Nieve making mic cry by embarrassing her, but other than that it went pretty good.  Nieve and her mom got mic some gifts that mic would only look at when neive was in the bathroom.  They got her a stuffy for her future child, cozy socks, and a ring.  Neive also illustrated a card that was kind of...graphic.  Mic cheered up by thinking of what she'll do to get back at Nieve.  One of them is to regift the card  to her. 

Today we (minus stick-in-the-mud-Brent) went to Sugar loaf.  First thing we noticed when we drove up was that the sign featured in our sugarloaf  photo shoot has been replaced by a much more generic one.  Climbing up there always make me think of family.  It just feels like one of our spots...Almost every time I go there I am with someone from our family.  Although I often see people there it always seems to be an under appreciated gem and our family belongs to the small group of appreciaters.  Our students were so amazed at how beautiful it is there.  It has been interesting for me to see Nanaimo through their eyes.  I mean I've almost always thought it was beautiful here but when I contrast it with the urban sprawl of Japan I can really appreciate the beauty of this sleepy little city nestled in the hillside along the coast.  That's what I think it looks like as you approach departure bay from the ferry.   Ironically the only time I was not able to see the beauty here was when I flew home from Okinawa.  After living somewhere so tropical the evergreens and ocean looked so dark to me.  There was definitely something psychological interfering with my judgement.  I'd be willing to bet mom and dad would still be able to recognize the rugged beauty of the island after their 2 years in the tropics.  I'm feeling rather rambly now and since it is now technically Monday, I'd better stop.

Conference Weekend at the Schofields...

Conference weekend was so uplifting and inspiring.  We all crowded in the study to watch it at home.  Due to the attractiveness of our traditions, even E wanted to participate.  I don't know why I insisted on going to church to watch it for so long.  It is just so much more comfortable to watch it at home.  I don't have to do my hair...(as you can see) get the girls up and ready...we can control the temperature or at least use blankets (why is the church ALWAYS freezing during conference?  to keep us awake?)  and if the girls have watched enough, they can leave and go play or have a nap.  Although this year, I think it was mainly E who didn't stay and watch everything.  So here we are...

One of our traditions is to have a little quiz for fhe the next day and everyone gets to ask questions.  This gets the girls keeping copious notes about tie colours and hymns sung.

One of my favourite talks was by Elder Cook about how lds women are incredible.  Of course that is when I look over at Brent and see this:

Why is it that he always falls asleep in these ones?!!  The flash of the camera woke him up and aside from that little bit of dozing he was awake for all of conference.  Which may not seem like anything, but he usually sleeps through most of the 2nd sessions on both days.  (he probably won't like me posting this)

One of our most popular traditions is making a list of words that we think will be said during the conference and if you hear one of the words, you get to dip into the goodie bowl.  The girls choose what treats they want us to get and we pick them up the night before.  Brent always picks really specific phrases that are unlikely to be used such as "provident living"  but ever since the first talk of a conference was on that exact topic, he has gloatingly added many such phrases.  This year he said "natural calamity" which was only said in one prayer and prayers don't count for getting candy.  But I doubt he will change his ways.

This is E's face as she asks me if she can have another candy.  The candy is really the only reason we saw her come around during those 4 hours.

It would be misleading for me to leave you with the impression that it was all just an idyllic weekend.  During Elder Scott's heartfelt talk about his wife and love in the family mic and nat started fighting over feet being on the chair and it got so bad they had to be kicked out.  I loved Elder Scott's talk too.  (in spite of the contention)   Elder Oaks talk probably was the one that really spoke to me and has made me think.  He spoke on desires and how our desires affect our choices and choices affect our actions.  It has caused some reflection--what do my actions show my desires to be?  I really need to take some time and delve into this.  Taking time for things like that is another thing that is hard for me.  Look how I've put it off all this time--2 weeks since I heard his talk and I've done little about it other than reflect a little on one of my runs.  

the end of good things...

Brent is gone.  I dropped him off at harbour air just after 7 this morning.  He has gone to California for some training for half a week.  When he is gone, some things (like dinner and dinner deadlines) become so much more laid back for me.  And I can watch all the chick flicks I want guilt free.  I've been thinking about watching the twilight movies again.  I've only seen the 2nd and 3rd once...It is even easier for me to keep the house clean when he is gone.  Not because he is so messy but because I just spend more time cleaning when he isn't here because I'm bored and lonely.  I don't know how single parents do it.  Our home is incomplete.  And with the kids going back to school tomorrow, life is feeling drab for me.  I LOVED having 2 weeks for spring break.  I adjusted so well that a 1 week break seems way too short.  My life isn't even that hectic anymore--spring break used to just mean a break from scheduled busy lives to me.  It is just so nice having the girls home.  All 3 girls got along so well and did so much together.  Every year at the start of spring break I have all these plans of what I'd like to get done during the break and we never get close.  Always one of the things on my list is organizing the girls room...I guess I'm a little intimidated or just don't want to do it because it NEVER happens.  Hardly any of my plans happen.  Mostly we laze around eating lunch late and reading lots of Harry Potter.  This year the kids were getting along so well, I just didn't want to interfere.  But now it is over and tomorrow we are back to living with a schedule.  Schedules, I know, can be a good thing.  I know I would get a lot less done--but right now I'm feeling rather rebellious about it all.   ramble ramble ramble...

I've got the JOY JOY JOY!

I'm not sure why or what I have done to deserve it, but I just feel so much happiness, love and joy swelling up from deep within my soul and spilling out all over me and my life.  I have been trying to improve my life--I see it lacking in so many ways.  The change that occurred in my ward 2 years ago has been hard for me.  At times I have felt discarded, rejected, not good enough, etc etc.  I have struggled to understand why I felt so disconnected with the ward when just a few short months prior I felt so beloved and like the ward was such an extension of my family.  I knew that I had probably withdrawn myself, but I didn't really know how to undo that or change.  I felt the shame of our family (and I resented this shame) and the circumstances under which most of everyone left and to some degree painted with the same brush even though I was rather detached from it all.  I've felt a barrier in my spirituality.  I don't know how to describe it--maybe like I was just going through the motions but even when I tried to fix that, I couldn't connect....

Anyways, I've been doing little things to try to be better.  Like trying to put more into my prayers.  I mean when it is something you do everyday at least twice a day it can be hard for me to not just say the same platitudes.  Just like it is hard to write a letter to the same person regularly without getting a response (not that I don't get a response, but not in the same way one does when having a regular conversation...you know:  yak yak yak, pause, think about what I've said, wait for some inspiration, repeat again and again--its different than yak yak yak, hear response yak yak yak, etc etc.  Anyways, it has been an area I need to put in renewed effort.

And going to the temple.  After what happened to Brent last time we went to Seattle, we just stopped going.  Expensive, need passport, expensive, expensive, expensive.  Then the lower mainlanders finally get their own temple and we still find it hard to go.  We hadn't been to do a session in a really long time...The last 3 or 4 times we have gone we have worked with the youth in baptistry.  The temple is a lot closer and the passport obstacle is now removed but we still have the biggest difficulty which is the expense.  I like where I live.  Love it actually.  I don't really like leaving much--probably mainly because of the expense.  When I thought about how little we have used the temple since it has opened I felt ashamed.  So Brent and I have set the goal to try and go once a month.  With so much family over there, it doesn't have to be as expensive as it is for some other islanders. It is a sacrifice that we felt we should be making.   And so with that goal, we went over at the end of January.  I was worried that we weren't going to have the money but then we got an HST cheque.  It is rather remarkable to me that as soon as we made the firm commitment to go, my mood just changed.  It was easier to get up in the morning and do everything I needed to do--sort of like the energy I get at Christmas time.  We were graciously picked up at the horse shoe bay terminal by Laura who basically spent the greater part of her Saturday chauffeuring us around and attending the temple with us.  It was just really nice to be there and call it an amazing coincidence or just one of the "tender mercies" but our session was about one third peopled by Nanaimo people.  The next day at church I felt buoyed up by our little trip.  I just felt happy, you know?

Then we felt the need to have a fhe lesson on fasting and this responsibility fell on me.  We challenged the girls to have a better attitude about fasting--to try and view it more as the "joy" that it is described in the scriptures.  We also challenged Mic to do a full fast which she has never done, but that we felt she was ready to start doing.  I hadn't fasted since before I got pregnant with E--so since September 2007.  I've been thinking that I probably could now that she only nurses really at naptime and sometimes before bed--especially since I'm trying to ween her.  So with that in mind, we all started our fast together on Saturday evening and talked about what we were fasting for.   Brent was in Kamloops but he was involved in the discussion via skype.  On Sunday morning I woke up earlier than necessary.  I thought "oh good.  I can use this time to prepare spiritually to have a really good experience at church today.  I reviewed my lesson, said my prayers.  While I was sitting there enjoying the peace and quiet before I had to wake up the girls, Nat came in and said "I think I have to give a talk today"...From there, everything went downhill.  Trying to get the girls ready on time, help Nat to put together a talk that is in her words on her level about Heavenly Father's plan I became very grumpy.  Nat kept bugging me (probably because I was so irritable) and I just couldn't seem to stop myself from being grumpy with the kids.  By the time we got to church the library was closed and so I couldn't get the things I needed for my lesson.  I just felt harried.  I didn't have the peaceful, connected feeling I had been striving for.  But I did give it my full effort.

Another family goal we have set this year is to focus on service.  Every month for one of our fhe's we do an activity.  So the Sunday night before the activity night, Brent and I were talking about some difficulties in our ward.  One thing I love about my husband is how he can't resist helping someone when he sees their need--no matter what they have done to him in the past.  We decided to do a little secret service to some members in the ward.  This doesn't usually happen when one does secret service but we heard a little of how what we did helped.  It was very rewarding.  I guess we "received our reward"  especially by my admitting that we did it on here--no longer secret is it?  But I will say that doing it has helped at least a little bit in feeling less detached from the ward.

Going back to the just going through the motions, I felt like I was doing that with my scripture reading.  Why is it so hard for me to stop in the middle of my day to sit and read my scriptures?  I can get so caught up in my day in going from task to task and scripture reading just becomes another task rather than a moment to treasure and enjoy.  So it has been another area that I've been trying to give renewed effort.  The thing with scriptures at least for me, not every time is a great spiritual experience.  Sure sometimes I glean some good direction or inspiration, but mostly I notice how it just helps me through my day.  This week I've been rereading the conference talks from the Saturday afternoon session.  I've just been blown away at how insightful they have been and were just the sort of things I needed to consider.  I love conference :)

Then I heard this song that I had never heard before that just seemed to speak to me.  It is not a new song, but I had never heard it before.  Since my first time hearing it, I have heard it several times.  So had I heard it before and just not paid any attention?  or is it suddenly being revived?  I don't know.  But it resonated so strongly with me and they way that I have felt.  Here is a link to it.  Although the version I heard was sung by Katie Thompson.

 

So anyways, to summarize a very long and drawn out post I feel joy--the deep down kind.  I feel it is a special blessing--maybe a recognition of my efforts--maybe it means I have a big fat trial coming my way.  But for now, I'm enjoying the feeling.

Halloween

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 The original reason why I stopped posting before was because I became too busy with Halloween preparation and then when I was done, I wanted to show off my "dolls"  That is what it felt like this year--like I was getting to play dress up with my dolls.  Unfortunately for E, I was so consumed with getting the other costumes right that I had very little to give to her consideration.  She found this dress in the dress up bin and loved twirling around and being a princess.  After the stress and insomnia of the other costumes, it worked for me.  At strongstart however she was the shabbiest and least elaborate of any of the other kids.

 Nat was Glinda the good witch; a recycled costume of Mic's.  The only challenge with her's was the crown and the wand and making sure she felt as important and got as much attention as her older sister.  On Thursday night before Halloween we all sat down at the table and made her crown and wand.  To someone artistic like most of you, you may think the crown was simple--not so to my obsessive complicating way of doing things.  Thank goodness I have a husband who is the yin to my yang...or the yang to my yin...(I can't remember which one is the masculine)   I coloured streaks in her hair with felt pens.  In the end she was quite happy with the results.  I think she looks happy and pretty darn cute.

 Mic on the other hand...took all my energy and focus to look like she did.  First of all she didn't really know what she wanted to be.  She wanted to be Annabeth from the Percy Jackson series but we didn't have anything and I thought probably nobody would know who she was anyways.  Probably most of you don't know who that is.  (I recommend it--its a good quick series to read)   Then she wanted to be Ginny Weasley, but again didn't really have anything she could use and a shortness of funds for buying things.  So I started asking her what her friends were being and one friend was going to be an Indian princess; that's when I got the idea of being a Japanese girl.  I even had a beautiful kimono.  I just didn't have an obi (the sash.)  So then I did some research about how long they are supposed to be and went to the store and found something that I thought would work.  The only problem was that because obi s are so long and narrow I had to sew it together and my sewing machine is broken.  I didn't mind leaving the edges rough, but i knew it would fray and I longed to be able to just go over to mom's house and sit down at her already set up machines to sew and surge.  So after lying sleepless in my bed I thought of Sis. Schortinghuis.  She of course was very gracious and even did all the sewing for me.  Wearing a kimono the correct way is a complicated process--especially the proper tying of the obi.  Luckily I found a good "how to" video on youtube.  The only problem was that the knot it teaches is the one you do for a summer yukata.  In the end that is the one I ended up doing anyways.  The other one was kind of boring and more complicated.  When I tried it out on Mic of course I had waaayy to much obi.  Here is my finished product.

We used spray on black dye for her hair and Sarah gave me the idea of doing 2 loopty loop buns.  For some reasons, these pictures, make her hair look grey, but it actually looked really black.

Japanese girls usually wear some dangly accessories when they are all dressed up in their fancy kimonos so we attached some beads.









Looking back, I can't believe how obsessive I became with this whole costume.  Maybe because it was japanese and I wanted it to be authentic.  I didn't want to do the whole white face geisha make-up so I looked up how to do hara-juku girl make-up.  It really accented her eyes I thought.  And made her look far too grown up.

Note the collar standing delicately away from her neck...

The full view.  Isn't the kimono beautiful?














With my Japanese umbrella that Sis. Ota gave me.  She wasn't allowed to open it at school except for the parade.  I like this picture because I think she really does look like a doll--not quite human.

All 3 of them before they went off to school.  I had to wake Mic up before 6:30 am to have her and Nat ready before school.  Phew...hopefully I won't be so crazy next year....

sarah butt munched us.

money matters

I guess I'm getting into a bit of a routine here. In light of our increased income slicing our child tax credit in half and eliminating medical subsidy, we have come to the desperate need to find a new source of income. So the girls and I have started a paper route. They get a small cut of it and I use the rest to cover half their piano lessons which Brent demanded they give up. But I just couldn't do it, so here we find ourselves. I wasn't sure how we would like it, but as luck would have it we ended up with a pretty sweet route. We do the neighbourhood behind our complex (where we go trick or treating) and the girls working together can get it done in less than 45 minutes. Our first day of papers just happened to be flyer day; the papers were so fat that we had to use 2 strollers to take them. There was no way they could carry that many papers (82) So then I was on the hunt for a wagon. Sure enough the recycling place came through for me again just when I needed it. The girls now love playing outside with the wagon. They have all the kids in the complex clamboring for rides. It reminds of the days when Layne and Karen lived here and their boys had a wagon. (Their rides were so popular that they tried making a little money off their rides) I remember Brenna and Alysha coming for a visit and all the cousins riding on the wagon.
Sigh. Now I've gone and reminded myself how alone I am here. I miss those days when my kids could just go out into the complex and play with their cousins. I had to go to the relief society conference all on my own. I felt so lonely. One of my first conferences here all of us girls that lived here were asked to sing--there were 6 of us and now there is just one. Sometimes I feel a little abandoned and cheated too. I would never have come here to live if our family didn't live here. You enticed me to live here, I set down roots and then you all moved away!
But I digress. Everything with the paper route has just fallen into place. I feel so blessed. We've also talked about Brent doing some gis work on the side--sub contract out for some work and work experience. It has been 3 years since he finished and since he hasn't used gis, he needs to brush up. The challenge is the software costs over 2 thousand. Then Brent went and did some pro bono work as an alumni for viu up in Courtenay. 2 of his instructors were there (1 gis instructor) and they want to use what he did for gis stuff. It ties gis in with what he does at work, so that could be really helpful. This also put him in touch with the software which he can use free for a year! He has already received some requests for work--he just has to demonstrate his skills. We have just really felt the Lord's hand guiding us in what to do about money problems and have been so blessed.

Summer update Part II

Now that I have some encouraging comments, and the house is quiet, I feel inclined to continue. I know it is rather pathetic, but I really do need validation when it comes to blogging. If no one bothers to comment, I simply lose all steam.
Anyways, like I said, it was pretty cool the whole time we were at Shawnigan until Friday morning--the day we were leaving. So Friday morning came around and Brent and I lay in bed discussing what to do with the rest of our vacation time. We can be 2 of the most INdecisive people! Brent had mentioned before when we decided to go to shawnigan, that since we could only go until Friday, that then we could go to the place that I had found. I was leaning more to going home and cleaning up and doing back-to-school prep. So we kept talking ourselves around in circles...'we might not be able to get a camping site on the labour day weekend and the place was up in the alberni area and we were down in the cowichan valley...it would be another tank of gas in the van and the truck (brent knows this argument almost always wins with me) but we made arrangements to be away from church for another sunday and if we go back now, our vacation is over...we could go visit Kim in Victoria, but she has a cat...and will be doing some hockey stuff (we have become so anti-hockey) and then we won't be just our family anymore...but it would be nice for the kids to see their cousins and there is an old navy in vic we could still be on vacation and do a little back-to-school prep. We kept talking ourselves in circles "what do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?"
So we called the girls in and asked them their opinion. We got one vote for vic and one for going shopping. So we decided to go to vic. Brent took the girls out for one last trip in the canoe while I packed up. They came back and said they wanted to show me their special spot, so e and I went out too. It was really nice and warm and peaceful on the lake. brent said "this makes me feel like camping still" and so we decided to go camping.
Since we had such a slow start to our day we rushed around to pack up and get to the new place before it was too late. [just a little side note: we found 2 dead mice that morning] We got to port alberni by 5pm. Now we had to find the place. Nahmint lake. It was described as "A beautiful site on the shores of Nahmint Lake under large old growth Hemlock. Activities include boating, fishing and a great beach." We followed the directions which took us out along sproat lake and couldn't find the road we were supposed to turn off on. So I asked a local. She had even never heard of nahmint lake. As we were figuring out what to do, a man walked up and said he heard we were looking for directions. He knew where it was because he had been a logger. He said it was about 30 km into the bush. So we took his directions and started down a logging road. No biggy--the road out to Mabel lake was gravel too. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that e had started crying to get out about the time we arrived in alberni. So we started down this gravel road which turned out to be way rougher than the mabel lake gravel road. To our surprise there was a suv driving along right behind us and eventually it passed us when we took a wrong turn. You see, there wasn't just one gravel road--it met up with others and very few of them were marked. the road was so rough that we couldn't go very fast--30km/h was about the fastest. Other then the one little wrong turn which we realized right away, we were on the right track. Eventually after over an hour of driving on this terrible road with e demanding me to hold her foot (a comfort technique) and me singing the "i love you" barney song and ring around the rosie repeatedly, we came to a place where we weren't sure which way to go so Brent sent me down a little road to check it out while he drove up a hill to see if he could see the lake. the road I took became so narrow that bushes were rubbing on both sides and then of course, what should I see, but another minivan coming towards me. In a slightly wider spot we managed to pass them, but I asked where the road went to first. Their answer was "I wouldn't try it in that van" they said the road just got worse and they had a heck of a time turning around. So I turned around as soon as I found a spot (I think I managed a 5 point turn) Brent said he could see the lake but that he had passed 2 piles of bear poop and one was fresh and he couldn't take us out there unprepared for bears. (that is where the schofield part of the family kicked in) we got out of the cars to discuss our options and were immediately dive bombed by massive mosquitoes. I was more convinced by the mosquitoes than the bear poo. I wanted to try my plan b camp site but brent wasn't having any of it, so in the end we ended up at qualicum bay resort at 9:30 at night setting up our tent by the light of the truck lights until the truck battery died and then we couldn't find the van keys to jump the truck....Once we got there and set up and fed, we had a nice little weekend there. The luxuries of qualicum bay--showers, running water, fires...We started our summer off at qualicum bay and so I guess it was only fitting that we finish it there.

Finally! A New Post: End of summer update

Another year has passed and I find myself feeling the desire to blog. Maybe it is a time of year thing that causes me to be introspective and then want to publish my thoughts; maybe it is because I need to connect more with sisters since I'm all alone now; maybe it is that a lot of interesting things have happened to me lately...(not that interesting); maybe it is because brent went to bed and i'm not done talking; or maybe it is a bit of a everything. Anyways, for whatever reason i'm here.

I'm sad summer is over and my kids have gone back to school. I miss them. We had such a good summer with lots of family bonding. That's what summer is to me--time to spend with my family. Sarah is gone. I am the lonely Clarke. Today when we got to church e said "go see adriel?" and then after church she asked "go see auntie sarah?" Eliza was at church today and she asked if I missed Sarah and I got a little lump in my throat! First no sister movie night last night and then an obvious absence at church. (Yeah and Sarah, I don't think brent resented that he couldn't spend time with me--just the inconvenience of me leaving or of him having to go upstairs to watch tv. i was so bored last night!)

Brent took the week off before back to school to go camping. Inspired by our success last year with forestry camps i investigated the forestry camps on the island and found one that sounded really nice up in the alberni area. it is kind of scary to go camping at a unknown campsite so i asked brent to go check it out when he was in alberni for work. (sometimes it boggles my mind when i think about how much more than me he travels around on the island) he doesn't go up to alberni that often, but as luck would have it, just a couple days before we were going to leave he was up there. He mentioned to a coworker that was up there with him that we were going camping and his friend said "why don't you just go camping in my cabin?" He has a cabin on Shawnigan lake and he let us use it--the only catch was his son was using it for the labour day weekend and so we would have to cut our trip short.

So we took him up on his offer. The lake was beautiful and warm and his cabin was right on the lake. You might think that since we were in a cabin we weren't really camping, but it was mostly like camping. The cabin had no electricity and no running water. It did, however, have a flush toilet; we just had to bring water up from the lake. The only downside was that his cabin was totally in the shade the whole day. I'm sure in 30 degree weather one would appreciate the shade, but the temperature dropped down to below 20 for most of the time we were there. Brent and the girls spent a lot of time out on a canoe fishing. Nat caught a small trout that she couldn't keep and other than that they had very little luck. Then on the last day a boat came over and was fishing right off of our bank so Brent tried it from shore that night and caught a little bass on his first cast. I was a little unprepared for them to actually catch a fish and made him let it go. Nat was really upset with me for this--even brent was a little bummed. oops.

The first morning there I was walking past the cabin and saw a flash of something black by the wall. I stopped and looked and all of a sudden a black head popped out from under some planks of wood a lot closer to me. I screamed and it disappeared (of course) I had no idea what it was. The head seemed too big to me to be a rat and the face too round. Of course after that happened I couldn't help but look over tentatively every time I was near and I caught sight of it again and saw that it had a white under belly. Brent was ready to pack up right then. I had to convince him that I didn't think it was a rat--but I saw it so fast, how could I be sure? It reminded me of our Japan days when we'd spot a cockroach and how we couldn't stand to go in the kitchen for awhile and would usually end up going out to eat. Luckily there were no more sightings. Since we've come home and I've had a chance to research, I think it was a mink. There was even crayfish remains on the dock collaborate my belief.
The evenings were spent reading Harry Potter by candle light. We finished the fourth book while we were there and one night we watched the movie on a laptop. Since there was a fire ban we tried roasting marshmallows over the candles. We also invested in our own skip-bo and the girls really caught on. Other then constantly fighting over who got to sit on the canoe seat when they went out without me, the girls got along really well. On the last night the girls and I sang campfire songs. Mic had mentioned how much she liked that at the reunion so I decided to do it with our meagre group. Of course Brent the non-singer wouldn't participate. Nat said while we were singing that that was the best night of all.
I've just realized how late it is. I have to get to bed. I won't make any promises but I do want to tell you about the more Clarke-like portion of our trip, so I will try to get back on and finish.

a new school year...

the first week of school is done and tomorrow my girls find out who their teachers will be. i have dreaded school starting again since school ended. i love summer holidays! i love the warm weather--even if i'm too hot and have bfs. the solution for cooling yourself down is much better than the solution to warming yourself up. and i think it is easier to do too. but i digress. it was just so nice having the girls home everyday and sleeping in until 9:00 and reading little house together during breakfast and lunch and not having to go anywhere and being able to go on my run even if e was still sleeping and being able to shower without her crying. i loved it. and now it is over and maybe next summer mic won't want spend so much time with me. i hope i haven't squandered my time with her.

i have hopes that this year will be a lot less hectic. after a lot of thought and discussion with the girls we have decided to not continue with ballet this year. nat was happy to try something else--quite excited about the possibilities and asked me regularly what she was going to do. she told me a few things she wanted to do and said she'd like to do any of them equally so whatever is cheapest. mic said any of the options were good and wouldn't make a decision. in order for her to continue in dance she would have had to go to parksville 3 days a week and since she wasn't so passionate about it we gave it up. in some ways it was a real hard decision to make. she has worked so hard and was doing so well...i agonized over it. but once the decision was made it felt good. so now the girls are taking piano lessons--from sharon. she gave me a deal because she loved my sisters so much. in fact she said lots of nice things about them. she said she has never had such talented devoted students and that she expects to never get their equal again. the nice thing about piano lessons is i don't have t leave the house. so far they have only had one lesson, but they are quite keen--especially nat. the down side of piano is the recitals. don't get me wrong--i enjoyed hearing the twins play, it was everyone else i didn't care to sit through.